NPR's website recently posted an article asking if we've reached "the end of gender," citing as examples a family that chose to raise their child, Storm, without assigning the child a gender at birth, and the numerous people who choose to live more androgynously or closer to the edges of gender nonconformity, including a model who walked in both male and female runway shows. The article highlights the work of Dr. Leonard Sax, a psychologist and family physician who studies the impact of single gender educational institutions and their benefit for (perceived) females; Dr. Sax believes that gender is far from extinct and stated, "the determined lack of awareness of gender difference which you describe...puts both boys and girls at risk," making an argument that physical and "spiritual" injuries can result from creating spaces that are gender neutral, also stating, "Ignoring gender won't make it go away. On the contrary: Ignoring gender has the ironic consequence of exacerbating gender stereotypes."
I read this article shortly after attending the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference, a lively and vibrant convention attended by over 2,000 transgender and gender nonconforming registrants and their allies, many of whom also presented workshops. Over that weekend, as a cisgender-identified participant very much in the minority, I developed a new empathy for people who set their own gender boundaries, or choose to leave them undefined or malleable. I had a glimpse of what it would be like not to be limited to only two checkboxes on most official documents, including the U.S. Census survey and the new TSA "enhanced security" questionnaire, and to be around peers who understand that pronouns, names and afffirmed gender identities are integral parts of who we are and how we navigate the world. I agree with Dr. Sax on one point -- ignoring gender won't make it go away, and gender, like any other identity that can be perceived differently by others than by an individual (e.g., race, ethnicity, age, ability), can be used as a basis for discrimination, subjugation, and pre-judgment. Gender can also be a cause for celebration and an opportunity to feel better, as was evidenced by the elation at name change ceremonies and the grateful tears shed by many participants who said, "I've never been in a group like this where I wasn't the only trans person in the room."
As long as oppression exists, gender will probably not become fully neutral; perceived girls will probably be dressed in pink and expected to do poorly in math, and perceived boys will probably be given cars to play with and expected to suppress their emotional expressions. My hope is not for an "end" to gender but rather to any limiting expectations; an increased awareness of what meaning is invested into gender by the cisgender majority (those people who feel their gender identity is consistent and continue to identify with the gender assigned at birth), a closer look at how gender is constructed in society, and a closer questioning of who benefits from such a narrow view.
The disparities in education that Dr. Sax studies could be improved by what Dean Spade, an trans activist also quoted in the NPR article, calls "gender based affirmative action": developing policies to address gender discrimination with an "understanding that gender categories are high-stakes social constructions deployed in ways that endanger and harm socially determined groups." People who identify as transgender or two-spirit have been in societies for centuries; it is only recently that parts of the U.S. have started discussing trans-affirmative legislation, and having dialogues about gender that go beyond M vs F. Pretending that gender typing doesn't exist won't make it go away, however acknowledging that it exists and addressing the harmful ways that policies and organizations, schools and families and peers can and do use gender typing to oppress, might. To my colleagues in the mental health and helping professions, who have an opportunity to be advocates, educate yourselves -- go to conferences, get supervision, start those challenging dialogues -- so you are better equipped to work with cisgender clients and within your families or communities. If you want to work with trans clients, find the mentors, supervisors, agencies and resources that can help you develop the knowledge, awareness and skills you need. Let's not kid oursleves into thinking we're ending gender; let's take a closer look at it, in all its facets and functions, and continue questioning its meaning and purpose.
For the original NPR post, follow this link: http://www.npr.org/2011/06/27/137342682/the-end-of-gender
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Grieving and Loss
The topic of bereavement has been on my mind a lot lately -- how we grieve, and who we grieve -- which losses hit us the hardest and why. Loss without the permanence of death can also be challenging, whether loss of a relationship or an aspect of one's own an identity. One thing is certain: loss affects us, whether we choose to take the time to grieve and recognize these life changes, or not.
Irving Yalom, a psychologist noted for being the "founder" of existential psychotherapy, suggests that all issues we face relate to one or more of four inevitable aspects of human existence: death, isolation, meaning in life, and freedom. Thinking about death and the impermanence of our own lives often triggers thoughts of isolation and fears of being alone; Yalom argues that we are actually alone all the time, which may influence how we relate to the third inevitable, meaning in life. We create meaning by forging relationships with others, by finding work or play that is fulfilling, and these efforts help us gain a sense of purpose.
Sometimes isolation seems like the only solution when coping with the death of a loved one. Being alone with one's thoughts can be a helpful way to grieve and to consider the loved one's role in one's life. "No one will understand" is a common refrain druing bereavement, or "people say such stupid things." Yes, sometimes they do. I would say that in U.S. culture particularly, death is not seen as part of the life cycle and natural order of things, and American-born individuals may not be raised understanding death or talking about it, but instead be brought up to try to deny mortality (have you seen all the anti-aging skin products advertised lately?) and fear death. When we lose someone close to us, we don't know what to do. However, if isolation lasts more than a few weeks, or one begins avoiding work or other responsibilities like personal care, it is recommmended that one seek professional help from a counselor, therapist, doctor, or faith-based helper.
Even when isolation is not that extreme, talking to someone who specializes in working with people around issues of death and loss can be helpful in supporting and recognizing your own personal grief process. Professionals are often less likely than family or friends to tell you what you should be doing or feeling. So go ahead: cry, stamp your feet, write in your journal, take a walk, call a friend, draw a picture, pet an animal, take a kickboxing class... Self care and acceptance may be the most valuable gifts you can give yourself right now. If you notice that you're drinking more alcohol or takng more drugs than usual or taking prescription medication beyond the recommended dose, call your doctor or alternative health professional --placing yourself at risk of blackout or overdose will not help you work through this difficult life transition.
Irving Yalom, a psychologist noted for being the "founder" of existential psychotherapy, suggests that all issues we face relate to one or more of four inevitable aspects of human existence: death, isolation, meaning in life, and freedom. Thinking about death and the impermanence of our own lives often triggers thoughts of isolation and fears of being alone; Yalom argues that we are actually alone all the time, which may influence how we relate to the third inevitable, meaning in life. We create meaning by forging relationships with others, by finding work or play that is fulfilling, and these efforts help us gain a sense of purpose.
Sometimes isolation seems like the only solution when coping with the death of a loved one. Being alone with one's thoughts can be a helpful way to grieve and to consider the loved one's role in one's life. "No one will understand" is a common refrain druing bereavement, or "people say such stupid things." Yes, sometimes they do. I would say that in U.S. culture particularly, death is not seen as part of the life cycle and natural order of things, and American-born individuals may not be raised understanding death or talking about it, but instead be brought up to try to deny mortality (have you seen all the anti-aging skin products advertised lately?) and fear death. When we lose someone close to us, we don't know what to do. However, if isolation lasts more than a few weeks, or one begins avoiding work or other responsibilities like personal care, it is recommmended that one seek professional help from a counselor, therapist, doctor, or faith-based helper.
Even when isolation is not that extreme, talking to someone who specializes in working with people around issues of death and loss can be helpful in supporting and recognizing your own personal grief process. Professionals are often less likely than family or friends to tell you what you should be doing or feeling. So go ahead: cry, stamp your feet, write in your journal, take a walk, call a friend, draw a picture, pet an animal, take a kickboxing class... Self care and acceptance may be the most valuable gifts you can give yourself right now. If you notice that you're drinking more alcohol or takng more drugs than usual or taking prescription medication beyond the recommended dose, call your doctor or alternative health professional --placing yourself at risk of blackout or overdose will not help you work through this difficult life transition.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
"I don't need therapy."
You're right, 100%. And neither do I. No one needs therapy. However, thousands upon thousands of people find that engaging in a therapeutic process with a professional counselor, psychologist or social worker considerably improves the quality of their lives. Some people have symptoms that are so disruptive that the quality of their lives, without professional help, suffers. So, the question I ask is, do you want your life to change? Do you want to feel better, more aware, more alive? Do you want to make more informed choices, based on your own personal values? If you want these things, then maybe you want to start psychotherapy.
In a recent article in the APA's Monitor on Psychology magazine, Dr. Katherine Nordal mourns the passing of psychotherapy and states that "talk therapy" has been replaced by psychotropic medication and "quick fix" interventions. I would argue that the pressures placed on mental health agencies and professionals by insurance companies have created a bias toward faster, more results-oriented modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and emphasized psychiatric treatments, and I don't see these changes as necessarily negative. I believe that clients do control their own healing or growth processes, and if the client isn't moving as quickly as the client wants to, YES, that is something to address...in therapy...while talking with a professional. I have seen the benefits of psychiatric treatments in conjunction with "talk therapy," and sometimes adjusting chemical imbalances means the difference between a pale, struggling indifference and an attitude of motivation and possibility. Medication does not solve anyone's problems, but it can be a valuable tool to help stabilize someone's physical symptoms so that they have the freedom to address underlying concerns. I also believe in the efficacy of brief interventions as a means to identify clients who may need further assistance. Interventions are not an end, they are a means to an end, and often, that end is the beginning of a treatment process.
So, as we celebrate the beginning of 2011 and look with fresh eyes on a year of possibility, I am excited to continue with my own psychotherapy and with my clients along their journeys. Therapy is great in part because I don't need it (and neither do you). I want the benefits of insight and reflection it has helped me gain.
For Dr. Nordal's article, click here:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2010/11/perspectives.aspx
In a recent article in the APA's Monitor on Psychology magazine, Dr. Katherine Nordal mourns the passing of psychotherapy and states that "talk therapy" has been replaced by psychotropic medication and "quick fix" interventions. I would argue that the pressures placed on mental health agencies and professionals by insurance companies have created a bias toward faster, more results-oriented modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and emphasized psychiatric treatments, and I don't see these changes as necessarily negative. I believe that clients do control their own healing or growth processes, and if the client isn't moving as quickly as the client wants to, YES, that is something to address...in therapy...while talking with a professional. I have seen the benefits of psychiatric treatments in conjunction with "talk therapy," and sometimes adjusting chemical imbalances means the difference between a pale, struggling indifference and an attitude of motivation and possibility. Medication does not solve anyone's problems, but it can be a valuable tool to help stabilize someone's physical symptoms so that they have the freedom to address underlying concerns. I also believe in the efficacy of brief interventions as a means to identify clients who may need further assistance. Interventions are not an end, they are a means to an end, and often, that end is the beginning of a treatment process.
So, as we celebrate the beginning of 2011 and look with fresh eyes on a year of possibility, I am excited to continue with my own psychotherapy and with my clients along their journeys. Therapy is great in part because I don't need it (and neither do you). I want the benefits of insight and reflection it has helped me gain.
For Dr. Nordal's article, click here:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2010/11/perspectives.aspx
Friday, December 17, 2010
In this season of giving, show your support of mental health and wellness!
The practice where I work, Mental Health Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy of New York, PLLC, is reforming as a not-for-profit agency to better serve uninsured people who are seeking affordable therapy. As Our Collective Mental Health, Inc, we will continue to offer affordable therapy to individuals, couples and families in our New York offices (Union Square in Manhattan and Bushwick, Brooklyn). We have a generous sliding scale and a range of practitioners so that we can provide mental health services to everyone, regardless of income; we also offer therapy by donation to older adults, 65+, so that income is not a barrier to service. We will offer enhanced services in our new Vermont retreat center including:
~weekend wellness retreats for individuals, couples, and poly groups, including psychotherapy and recreational activities
~massage therapy workshops
~guest speakers
~nutritional counseling
~and more!
The retreat center is accessible via public transportation from NY, MA, RI, and NH, and is conveniently located in Londonderry, VT, near populat ski destinations like Stratton and Magic Mountain.
If you support our mission of offering affordable therapy to everyone, regardless of financial circumstance, employment or insurance status, please consider giving a donation this holiday season -- your support is appreciated!
Click here to donate, all amounts welcomed: http://www.chipin.com/mywidgets/id/0148746eab68abb7
~weekend wellness retreats for individuals, couples, and poly groups, including psychotherapy and recreational activities
~massage therapy workshops
~guest speakers
~nutritional counseling
~and more!
The retreat center is accessible via public transportation from NY, MA, RI, and NH, and is conveniently located in Londonderry, VT, near populat ski destinations like Stratton and Magic Mountain.
If you support our mission of offering affordable therapy to everyone, regardless of financial circumstance, employment or insurance status, please consider giving a donation this holiday season -- your support is appreciated!
Click here to donate, all amounts welcomed: http://www.chipin.com/mywidgets/id/0148746eab68abb7
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tryptophan Strikes Again!
PsychCentral recently released an article about a study conducted at Purdue University that found mice who were predisposed to trichtillomania (hair pulling) were *more* likely to engage in these behaviors when fed a diet high in tryptophan and sugar. This study raises the question of whether a similar phenomenon may be occurring in humans -- are we more likely to manifest symptoms of mental health issues in part due to our dietary choices?
There is a tendency in the U.S. to use the term "drug" to refer to an illicit class of mood altering substances, when in reality there are a number of drugs that are naturally-occurring in the body, like tryptophan, and our nutritional choices can sometimes throw off our bodies' natural balance. Parents may caution their children not to eat "too much sugar," but then stop at the donut shop or coffee cart on the way to work, "because I'm in a hurry" or "I don't have time to eat at home," and these daily choices deeply affect our mental health. We feel gluttonous, greedy, lethargic. When the "crash" inevitably comes, as our bodies try to balance themselves after an intake of caffeine or suger (or both, simultaneously), we feel...worse. Cognitively, we know this, but we have come to accept it as normal.
We tell ourselves we'll "be good" tomorrow and restrict, avoid, cut back...that we should go on a diet, lose that extra 10 pounds. Sometimes we do, and then we tell ourselves we're good, virtuous, healthy; and when we don't, we feel worthless, like failures or weak-willed creatures at the mercy of our desires. Furthermore, if we are like our rodential brethren, we may be making ourselves sicker, more frenzied, more symptomatic -- more anxious, more depressed. Tourette's Syndrome, characterized by uncontrollable verbal outbursts and tics, is one mental health concern that the researchers at Purdue think may be affected by the average American diet and its high volume of processed sugars.
Particularly with a New Year right around the corner -- and, for many, its requisite resolutions -- what if we reassessed our appetites and our desires, let them in? What if, instead of "I should lose 10 pounds," we said, "I want to lose 10 pounds," and made a plan to do so? Desires are natural, positive elements of our lives as humans; it is when we try to restrict, repress and deny them that we give them undue weight in our psyches, and invest desire with attributes: out of control, can't help it, I had to... Then some of us binge, purge, exercise excessively, or use other mood altering substances to check out, to avoid feeling bad.
Stop at the donut shop because you want to, not because you think you have no choice. Then, the next day, try a breakfast with fresh fruit, to give yourself the natural sugars your body craves, and see if you feel any different.
Here's a New Year's suggestion: Let yourself be aware of your body's reactions to foods and beverages. In particular, notice your moods. Do you feel edgier, more irritable at a certain point in the day? Are you drinking enough fluids, especially water? Sometimes we translate thirst as hunger. If we choose to ingest coffee or other caffeinated beverages, drinking even more water helps rehydrate the body and replenish its natural balance. Try to be gentle with yourself, to appreciate your desires as natural, and indulge them in moderation.
Happy holidays, and happy desiring!
For the original post on PsychCentral, follow this link: http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/12/14/animal-study-suggests-dietary-link-to-mental-illness/21786.html
There is a tendency in the U.S. to use the term "drug" to refer to an illicit class of mood altering substances, when in reality there are a number of drugs that are naturally-occurring in the body, like tryptophan, and our nutritional choices can sometimes throw off our bodies' natural balance. Parents may caution their children not to eat "too much sugar," but then stop at the donut shop or coffee cart on the way to work, "because I'm in a hurry" or "I don't have time to eat at home," and these daily choices deeply affect our mental health. We feel gluttonous, greedy, lethargic. When the "crash" inevitably comes, as our bodies try to balance themselves after an intake of caffeine or suger (or both, simultaneously), we feel...worse. Cognitively, we know this, but we have come to accept it as normal.
We tell ourselves we'll "be good" tomorrow and restrict, avoid, cut back...that we should go on a diet, lose that extra 10 pounds. Sometimes we do, and then we tell ourselves we're good, virtuous, healthy; and when we don't, we feel worthless, like failures or weak-willed creatures at the mercy of our desires. Furthermore, if we are like our rodential brethren, we may be making ourselves sicker, more frenzied, more symptomatic -- more anxious, more depressed. Tourette's Syndrome, characterized by uncontrollable verbal outbursts and tics, is one mental health concern that the researchers at Purdue think may be affected by the average American diet and its high volume of processed sugars.
Particularly with a New Year right around the corner -- and, for many, its requisite resolutions -- what if we reassessed our appetites and our desires, let them in? What if, instead of "I should lose 10 pounds," we said, "I want to lose 10 pounds," and made a plan to do so? Desires are natural, positive elements of our lives as humans; it is when we try to restrict, repress and deny them that we give them undue weight in our psyches, and invest desire with attributes: out of control, can't help it, I had to... Then some of us binge, purge, exercise excessively, or use other mood altering substances to check out, to avoid feeling bad.
Stop at the donut shop because you want to, not because you think you have no choice. Then, the next day, try a breakfast with fresh fruit, to give yourself the natural sugars your body craves, and see if you feel any different.
Here's a New Year's suggestion: Let yourself be aware of your body's reactions to foods and beverages. In particular, notice your moods. Do you feel edgier, more irritable at a certain point in the day? Are you drinking enough fluids, especially water? Sometimes we translate thirst as hunger. If we choose to ingest coffee or other caffeinated beverages, drinking even more water helps rehydrate the body and replenish its natural balance. Try to be gentle with yourself, to appreciate your desires as natural, and indulge them in moderation.
Happy holidays, and happy desiring!
For the original post on PsychCentral, follow this link: http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/12/14/animal-study-suggests-dietary-link-to-mental-illness/21786.html
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Drinking and Thinking
The NYC Dept of Health and Mental Hygiene (DOHMH) recently released a new public awareness campaign about alcohol use and the holidays. Their tagline is "stop drinking while you're still thinking," and the ads, soon to be released into subways throughout New York City's five boroughs, depict some of the possible consequences fo alchol use -- theft as a result of a blackout, or alcohol-fueled violent behavior. This prompted me to wonder about the relationship between drinking (or using other substances) and the holidays, and how much the messages we tell oursleves play a role in this use.
For example, how often have you found yourself thinking, at a boring work function or a networking cocktail hour, "I'll bet a drink would make these people more fun." Or on a date that's going sour, "I have to have a drink or I'll never get through this!" The truth is, our thinkng plays an important role in whether or not we have the *first* drink, not to mention the 3rd or 4th or 10th, and the fact that alcohol frequently leads to decreased inhibitions means that once someone has gotten to the 4th or 5th drink, their ability to determine whether "just one more" is a good idea has been chemically impaired. At that point, continuing to drink isn't a moral concern ("I shouldn't be doing this") or an issue of willpower ("I can stop whenever I want"), it's a neorologically-induced snowball effect! Alcohol can contribute to changes in mood and behavior, and is a central nervous system depressant, so "I feel better after a few drinks" may be true, but often people have emotional crashes after a few more or the next day. Alcohol has been called the truth serum because it lowers our verbal inhibitions as well -- so think twice before having the fourth gin and tonic unless you really want your boss to know what you *really* think of him.
So, if we want to get through the holidays with our dignity -- and out wallets -- intact, thinking about drinking is preferable BEFORE the first sip. If I'm thinking, "Alcohol makes me more fun," or "I can't talk to that person without a shot first," those things will be true. I create my own meaning. And if I tell myself, "yes, it would be easier to talk to that person with a shot in my belly, but if I want the rest of the night to go well, I'd be better off without it," that will also be true.
The simple fact, whether at the holidays or on any other day: Alcohol is not a magic elixir. You are probably not the hottest thing in the club because you had that Sminoff Ice. However, you ARE a worthwhile person, and you are probably lots of fun to be around (when you're not sloppy drunk), so remember that the next time you head out for a holiday party. Whether you choose to drink alcohol or not is up to you, and so is how you choose to feel about yourself.
For the NYC DOHMH press release, click here: http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/pr2010/pr058-10.shtml
For example, how often have you found yourself thinking, at a boring work function or a networking cocktail hour, "I'll bet a drink would make these people more fun." Or on a date that's going sour, "I have to have a drink or I'll never get through this!" The truth is, our thinkng plays an important role in whether or not we have the *first* drink, not to mention the 3rd or 4th or 10th, and the fact that alcohol frequently leads to decreased inhibitions means that once someone has gotten to the 4th or 5th drink, their ability to determine whether "just one more" is a good idea has been chemically impaired. At that point, continuing to drink isn't a moral concern ("I shouldn't be doing this") or an issue of willpower ("I can stop whenever I want"), it's a neorologically-induced snowball effect! Alcohol can contribute to changes in mood and behavior, and is a central nervous system depressant, so "I feel better after a few drinks" may be true, but often people have emotional crashes after a few more or the next day. Alcohol has been called the truth serum because it lowers our verbal inhibitions as well -- so think twice before having the fourth gin and tonic unless you really want your boss to know what you *really* think of him.
So, if we want to get through the holidays with our dignity -- and out wallets -- intact, thinking about drinking is preferable BEFORE the first sip. If I'm thinking, "Alcohol makes me more fun," or "I can't talk to that person without a shot first," those things will be true. I create my own meaning. And if I tell myself, "yes, it would be easier to talk to that person with a shot in my belly, but if I want the rest of the night to go well, I'd be better off without it," that will also be true.
The simple fact, whether at the holidays or on any other day: Alcohol is not a magic elixir. You are probably not the hottest thing in the club because you had that Sminoff Ice. However, you ARE a worthwhile person, and you are probably lots of fun to be around (when you're not sloppy drunk), so remember that the next time you head out for a holiday party. Whether you choose to drink alcohol or not is up to you, and so is how you choose to feel about yourself.
For the NYC DOHMH press release, click here: http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/pr2010/pr058-10.shtml
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tryptophan: the turkey drug
What would Thanksgiving be without a dose of tryptophan? This "drug" is an amino acid produced by the body and found in certain foods. While tryptophan is widely known to cause drowsiness, what few people know is that our bodies use tryptophan to produce serotonin, a neurotransmitter that affects appetite and mood in addition to sleep patterns. Serotonin is one of the "happy" chemicals in our brains that help our cells communicate. Other substances that induce serotonin production, or prolong its time in our synapses, are MDMA, psilocybin, and many antidepressant medications in the class of MAOIs.
What effects does this increased release of serotonin have? For one thing, it may curb impulsive behavior -- so people who gorge on turkey are less likely to overdrink, overdose, have lots of sex (and not just because they're feeling gross) or overspend -- according to MSNBC, this may have an inhibitory effect on those sale-frenzied shoppers who hit the streets at 4am to get the best deal on a Wii or a flatscreen TV:
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/11/22/5511082-thanksgiving-dinner-may-curb-holiday-spending-study-shows
Concerned about those impulse buys? Have some turkey for breakfast....or, for vegetarians, have some soybeans, spirulina, sesame seeds, pepitas (pumpkin seeds) or sunflower seeds, as these are all excellent sources of tryptophan too!
What effects does this increased release of serotonin have? For one thing, it may curb impulsive behavior -- so people who gorge on turkey are less likely to overdrink, overdose, have lots of sex (and not just because they're feeling gross) or overspend -- according to MSNBC, this may have an inhibitory effect on those sale-frenzied shoppers who hit the streets at 4am to get the best deal on a Wii or a flatscreen TV:
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/11/22/5511082-thanksgiving-dinner-may-curb-holiday-spending-study-shows
Concerned about those impulse buys? Have some turkey for breakfast....or, for vegetarians, have some soybeans, spirulina, sesame seeds, pepitas (pumpkin seeds) or sunflower seeds, as these are all excellent sources of tryptophan too!
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