The End of Gender?

NPR's website recently posted an article asking if we've reached "the end of gender," citing as examples a family that chose to raise their child, Storm, without assigning the child a gender at birth, and the numerous people who choose to live more androgynously or closer to the edges of gender nonconformity, including a model who walked in both male and female runway shows.  The article highlights the work of Dr. Leonard Sax, a psychologist and family physician who studies the impact of single gender educational institutions and their benefit for (perceived) females; Dr. Sax believes that gender is far from extinct and stated, "the determined lack of awareness of gender difference which you describe...puts both boys and girls at risk," making an argument that physical and "spiritual" injuries can result from creating spaces that are gender neutral, also stating, "Ignoring gender won't make it go away. On the contrary: Ignoring gender has the ironic consequence of exacerbating gender stereotypes."

I read this article shortly after attending the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference, a lively and vibrant convention attended by over 2,000 transgender and gender nonconforming registrants and their allies, many of whom also presented workshops.  Over that weekend, as a cisgender-identified participant very much in the minority, I developed a new empathy for people who set their own gender boundaries, or choose to leave them undefined or malleable.  I had a glimpse of what it would be like not to be limited to only two checkboxes on most official documents, including the U.S. Census survey and the new TSA "enhanced security" questionnaire, and to be around peers who understand that pronouns, names and afffirmed gender identities are integral parts of who we are and how we navigate the world.  I agree with Dr. Sax on one point -- ignoring gender won't make it go away, and gender, like any other identity that can be perceived differently by others than by an individual (e.g., race, ethnicity, age, ability), can be used as a basis for discrimination, subjugation, and pre-judgment.  Gender can also be a cause for celebration and an opportunity to feel better, as was evidenced by the elation at name change ceremonies and the grateful tears shed by many participants who said, "I've never been in a group like this where I wasn't the only trans person in the room."

As long as oppression exists, gender will probably not become fully neutral; perceived girls will probably be dressed in pink and expected to do poorly in math, and perceived boys will probably be given cars to play with and expected to suppress their emotional expressions.  My hope is not for an "end" to gender but rather to any limiting expectations; an increased awareness of what meaning is invested into gender by the cisgender majority (those people who feel their gender identity is consistent and continue to identify with the gender assigned at birth), a closer look at how gender is constructed in society, and a closer questioning of who benefits from such a narrow view.

The disparities in education that Dr. Sax studies could be improved by what Dean Spade, an trans activist also quoted in the NPR article, calls "gender based affirmative action": developing policies to address gender discrimination with an "understanding that gender categories are high-stakes social constructions deployed in ways that endanger and harm socially determined groups."  People who identify as transgender or two-spirit have been in societies for centuries; it is only recently that parts of the U.S. have started discussing trans-affirmative legislation, and having dialogues about gender that go beyond M vs F. Pretending that gender typing doesn't exist won't make it go away, however acknowledging that it exists and addressing the harmful ways that policies and organizations, schools and families and peers can and do use gender typing to oppress, might. To my colleagues in the mental health and helping professions, who have an opportunity to be advocates, educate yourselves -- go to conferences, get supervision, start those challenging dialogues -- so you are better equipped to work with cisgender clients and within your families or communities.  If you want to work with trans clients, find the mentors, supervisors, agencies and resources that can help you develop the knowledge, awareness and skills you need.  Let's not kid oursleves into thinking we're ending gender; let's take a closer look at it, in all its facets and functions, and continue questioning its meaning and purpose.

For the original NPR post, follow this link: http://www.npr.org/2011/06/27/137342682/the-end-of-gender

Grieving and Loss

The topic of bereavement has been on my mind a lot lately -- how we grieve, and who we grieve -- which losses hit us the hardest and why.  Loss without the permanence of death can also be challenging, whether loss of a relationship or an aspect of one's own an identity.  One thing is certain:  loss affects us, whether we choose to take the time to grieve and recognize these life changes, or not.

Irving Yalom, a psychologist noted for being the "founder" of existential psychotherapy, suggests that all issues we face relate to one or more of four inevitable aspects of human existence:  death, isolation, meaning in life, and freedom.  Thinking about death and the impermanence of our own lives often triggers thoughts of isolation and fears of being alone; Yalom argues that we are actually alone all the time, which may influence how we relate to the third inevitable, meaning in life.  We create meaning by forging relationships with others, by finding work or play that is fulfilling, and these efforts help us gain a sense of purpose.

Sometimes isolation seems like the only solution when coping with the death of a loved one.  Being alone with one's thoughts can be a helpful way to grieve and to consider the loved one's role in one's life.  "No one will understand" is a common refrain druing bereavement, or "people say such stupid things."  Yes, sometimes they do.  I would say that in U.S. culture particularly, death is not seen as part of the life cycle and natural order of things, and American-born individuals may not be raised understanding death or talking about it, but instead be brought up to try to deny mortality (have you seen all the anti-aging skin products advertised lately?) and fear death.  When we lose someone close to us, we don't know what to do.  However, if isolation lasts more than a few weeks, or one begins avoiding work or other responsibilities like personal care, it is recommmended that one seek professional help from a counselor, therapist, doctor, or faith-based helper.

Even when isolation is not that extreme, talking to someone who specializes in working with people around issues of death and loss can be helpful in supporting and recognizing your own personal grief process.  Professionals are often less likely than family or friends to tell you what you should be doing or feeling.  So go ahead: cry, stamp your feet, write in your journal, take a walk, call a friend, draw a picture, pet an animal, take a kickboxing class...  Self care and acceptance may be the most valuable gifts you can give yourself right now. If you notice that you're drinking more alcohol or takng more drugs than usual or taking prescription medication beyond the recommended dose, call your doctor or alternative health professional --placing yourself at risk of blackout or overdose will not help you work through this difficult life transition.

"I don't need therapy."

You're right, 100%.  And neither do I.  No one needs therapy.  However, thousands upon thousands of people find that engaging in a therapeutic process with a professional counselor, psychologist or social worker considerably improves the quality of their lives.  Some people have symptoms that are so disruptive that the quality of their lives, without professional help, suffers.  So, the question I ask is, do you want your life to change?  Do you want to feel better, more aware, more alive?  Do you want to make more informed choices, based on your own personal values?  If you want these things, then maybe you want to start psychotherapy.

In a recent article in the APA's Monitor on Psychology magazine, Dr. Katherine Nordal mourns the passing of psychotherapy and states that "talk therapy" has been replaced by psychotropic medication and "quick fix" interventions.  I would argue that the pressures placed on mental health agencies and professionals by insurance companies have created a bias toward faster, more results-oriented modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and emphasized psychiatric treatments, and I don't see these changes as necessarily negative.  I believe that clients do control their own healing or growth processes, and if the client isn't moving as quickly as the client wants to, YES, that is something to address...in therapy...while talking with a professional.  I have seen the benefits of psychiatric treatments in conjunction with "talk therapy," and sometimes adjusting chemical imbalances means the difference between a pale, struggling indifference and an attitude of motivation and possibility.  Medication does not solve anyone's problems, but it can be a valuable tool to help stabilize someone's physical symptoms so that they have the freedom to address underlying concerns.  I also believe in the efficacy of brief interventions as a means to identify clients who may need further assistance.  Interventions are not an end, they are a means to an end, and often, that end is the beginning of a treatment process.

So, as we celebrate the beginning of 2011 and look with fresh eyes on a year of possibility, I am excited to continue with my own psychotherapy and with my clients along their journeys.  Therapy is great in part because I don't need it (and neither do you).  I want the benefits of insight and reflection it has helped me gain.

For Dr. Nordal's article, click here:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2010/11/perspectives.aspx